


Slow Dancing in the Dark

by anavrin89



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:28:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27856785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anavrin89/pseuds/anavrin89
Summary: I don't wanna slow dance,In the dark.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 12
Kudos: 22





	Slow Dancing in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> For the full experience visit this link : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MSj54WKmO4
> 
> The link is a slowed version of the song that inspired me to write this and I think it fits the story very well. Also, you should check out this channel's other videos too because I enjoy them and they slowed/reverbed some of my fav songs as well. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. :)

_ I don’t want a friend, I want my life in two _

Ushijima was just a friend. At least around Oikawa’s friends. Everyone became suspicious when they saw Oikawa hanging out with Ushijima outside of the court, and Oikawa made sure they were seen as  _ just friends _ . Sometimes, Ushijima wished he could live two separate lives, one where he could be with Oikawa without having to sneak around, and one where things stayed exactly as they were before. He was tired of pretending. 

_ Just one more night _

Ushijima always told himself that he was done, and after tonight it would not be his problem anymore. But he always found a way to convince himself to stay, even through the suffering.

_ Waiting to get there, Waiting for you _

Ushijima knew Oikawa would be hesitant to accept his own feelings and tell his friends about their relationship. So he waited. And waited. And waited. He didn’t want to push Tooru but if he heard “we’re just friends” one more time he was positive he was going to vomit. He felt like he was suffocating.

_ I’m done fighting all night _

Finally, he confronted him. From the moment the words left his lips he knew it was over. He just wanted to know why Oikawa hid him, why he was  _ ashamed _ of him. He expressed his feelings and it backfired. Oikawa was offended, and after what seemed like hours, Ushijima walked out. He got tired of listening to the continuous “ _ did you ever think of why I didn’t want to tell anyone about us? _ ” and “ _ were you only thinking of yourself? _ ” He was exhausted from waiting to at least talk about it. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to work out.

_ When I’m around slow dancing in the dark _

When he was with Oikawa, it felt as if the world was moving in slow motion or as if time stopped all together. To him, ignorance was bliss, until it seemed like torture. He felt the tension and could practically hear the question hanging in the air. It was ringing in his ears at all hours of the day. But he pushed it away, avoided it at all costs.

_ Don’t follow me you’ll end up in my arms _

“I wish this never happened!” 

The sentence echoed in his mind the whole way out the door drowning out the, 

“Ushiwaka wait! I didn’t mean it!”

He was so angry. Hot tears pooled in his eyes and he just wanted to stop existing. He was angry at himself for being so foolish. He knew this was how Tooru would react, he played the scenario out in his head at least once a day. He was angry for getting brave and even thinking of asking, but he spent all this time choking down his thoughts and words and eventually they came back up. He knew if Tooru followed him out the door, they would make up, but he wasn’t sure if he was willing for that anymore. He just wanted to escape. He just wanted to  _ breathe. _

_ You have made up your mind, I don’t need no more signs _

Ushijima was the one that walked away. He was the one who was impatient, and his stupidity cost him the only thing he has wanted so badly since junior high. After that night, Oikawa wouldn’t speak to him. He wouldn’t answer texts or calls, or even his door. It became clear very soon that Oikawa resented him. The resentment was so familiar it was almost nostalgic, but not the sweet kind. The kind that wraps around your brain for weeks on end, and consumes your entire being. He knew to others he seemed like nothing had happened but every moment he spent without company he was filled with that nauseating sensation of regret.

  
  
  


_ Can you? _

  
  
  


_ Can you? _

  
  
  


_ Give me reasons we should be complete, You should be with him I can’t compete _

Ushijima had wanted answers. Reasons. Explanations. Something so that he knew that Oikawa had the same feelings. He felt whole around him like his life was fulfilled, but Tooru never gave him any indication that he felt the same, and that terrified him. He saw the way he was around Iwaizumi. He noticed it but tried to ignore it. He couldn’t tell if he was paranoid and jealous or if others noticed it too. When they had their fight he brought it up, even though he knew it went against his better judgment. Oikawa was infuriated that he brought Iwaizumi into it and snapped.

“Fine! Maybe I would be better off with him!”

The words stung and he was trying his best not to lose his composure or burst into tears. Everyone assumed he never showed or felt any emotions but in reality, he was holding it all in and was on the brink of explosion. When those words reached his ears he felt dizzy from trying not to completely lose it. Now he was able to breathe again, but the fresh air burned his lungs.

_ Can’t you see, I don’t wanna slow dance, In the dark _

A slow dance in the dark. That was the entirety of their relationship. It felt nice but it was also terrifying at the same time. Ushijima couldn’t see and wasn’t sure whether or not he liked the feeling, so he decided to turn on the lights. Now he wished he could turn them back off again, forever if given the option.

_ When you gotta run, Just hear my voice in you _

He saw Oikawa about a month after they ended things. He wished they didn’t end on such a sour note. They ran into each other at a local coffee shop, one that they had gone on coffee dates in, but now the atmosphere was awkward and it felt wrong to be there. He was the first one to say something, apologizing for how he acted the last time they saw each other. Oikawa accepted his apology and gave an apology in return. They talked for ten minutes and caught up with each other. It felt like they hadn’t seen each other in an eternity, and talked for what seemed like another. Ushijima was sure he heard Oikawa repeat a few things he had said to him once. It was music to his ears, but their meeting was abruptly cut short when Oikawa received a phone call, which Ushijima assumed was from Iwaizumi due to the change in tone from talking regularly to him and sing-song to the caller. He wished they could’ve stayed like this forever.

_ Shutting me out of you, Doing so great, You _

They encountered each other a few more times, but the feeling was different. Oikawa didn’t shut him out of his life, but he was no longer an active part. That part almost hurt just as much as seeing Oikawa thriving after all that happened. Ushijima felt like he was going through hell.

_ Used to be the one to hold you when you fall _

Ushijima liked to reminisce and remember what was and what could’ve been. It used to be Ushijima who he would come to when he was upset or needed an encouraging word, but now that was gone. He found it in another man, one that obviously made him much happier. Oikawa and Iwaizumi had been dating for a while now. Almost two years, if Ushijima remembered correctly. That was in their last year of high school, now they were halfway through college.

_ I don’t fuck with your tone _

Oikawa and Ushijima started being active parts of each other's lives when they got accepted to the same university and were on the same team. They may not ever be able to go back to what they used to have, but they did still rekindle their friendship, Now that they were teammates they had very similar schedules and spent a lot of time together. Iwaizumi quickly noticed and got jealous. Oikawa told him about his and Ushijima’s relationship after it ended badly and Iwaizumi consoled him, which ended up in them getting together. So seeing Oikawa with his ex who clearly still had feelings for him made Iwaizumi irritated and frustrated. Oikawa noticed when his temper was even shorter than usual, and Iwaizumi confronted him about his ex. Oikawa was angry at Iwaizumi but felt he couldn’t let his anger out in him without having a situation like he and Ushijima had. So Oikawa went to Ushijima instead, only he wasn’t looking for consolation. When Oikawa approached Ushijima, Ushijima expected it to be how it normally was for them now, but instead, Oikawa lashed out at him. He sat there in shock for a minute while Oikawa was raving before he said something. Something he maybe shouldn’t have.

“Shut up! Your boyfriend’s jealousy is not my fault nor is it my problem so stop taking it out on me! This is exactly what happened when we were together only this time you know exactly what it felt like in my shoes! You don’t like how it feels, do you? Now it's come back to bite you in the ass and you can’t stand it so you decided to take it out on the easiest target, huh? Well, I am done with your bullshit Oikawa, figure it out by yourself, because I refuse to take this treatment from you!”

He felt a tremendous weight lift off his shoulders until he finally opened his eyes and saw the look of genuine hurt and terror on Tooru’s face. Now he wishes he could take it all back.

_ I don’t wanna go home _

It was five years after he snapped at Oikawa, and Ushijima now lived in the states. He finished out university with Oikawa though tensions were high and they didn’t speak to each other unless they had to. He hadn’t spoken to him since then, so when he got an invitation from overseas inviting him to a wedding, he was caught off guard. Oikawa and Iwaizumi were getting married, and Ushijima was invited. When he read those words his world stopped. He had always toyed with the thought of apologizing to Oikawa and asking him to try again, but never actually followed through. Now he thinks about nothing but how he should’ve followed through because now he has no chance anymore. The relationship they had was always messy and always would be but that didn’t mean he still didn’t want it. Now he has to watch the man he has been in love with since junior high get married to someone else. He simply would have not gone, but he refused to disappoint Oikawa one last time. He was in for one hell of a trip back home. Home.  _ He didn’t wanna go back home. _

  
Now, every memory of Oikawa he had was playing in the back of his mind as he watched the couple say their vows in the ceremony. He couldn’t stand it, and almost spoke up when the preacher said “Speak now, or forever hold your peace.” But he couldn’t do that to Oikawa. He  _ wouldn’t _ do that to Oikawa. So he held his tongue and observed while imagining how that could’ve been him up there. He just wants to get out of here. To leave and never come back. _ To slow dance in the dark with Oikawa one last time. _

**Author's Note:**

> For the full experience visit this link : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MSj54WKmO4
> 
> The link is a slowed version of the song that inspired me to write this and I think it fits the story very well. Also, you should check out this channel's other videos too because I enjoy them and they slowed/reverbed some of my fav songs as well. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. :)


End file.
